That Park, Insane
by BlackBunny15
Summary: In which Kiku, Gilbert, Matthieu, Tino, and Heracles bond in odd ways. Over the top OOC, Shortness, and Crack.


The wind blew breezily threading through golden, silver, and inky locks of hair as a group of young men watched with pride as the loves of their lives played together.

"I fucking love you guys." Gilbert grinned, punching Kiku's shoulder. "Nothing like a little man time while the kids play." Matthieu, Kiku, Tino, and Heracles nodded in agreement. The group sat relaxing in the grass, as they normally would during the times they got together to let their babies bond. And things were peaceful as always until the inevitable shit hit the fan.

"Hey." Gilbert shot up, red eyes blazing down at Heracles annoyed face. "Your fucking cats are trying to murder my bird." Heracles snorted and turned over to lie on his stomach. Gilbert kicked him and ran down the hill to the animals, picking up a large wooden stick and started chasing Heracles' kittens. This got Heracles attention as he threw off his jacket and the vague look in his eyes sharpened. He climbed up and strolled over to where Gilbert was shooing a cat away by waving his stick around and shouting.

"Back, Back you spawns of Satan." Gilbird nestled comfortably in it's owner's hair, as it watched the slowly approaching Heracles it pecked warningly on Gilbert's skull.

"Huh? Wah?" Gilbert turned to face Heracles' calm face. "Oh. You. Ready to get your flea bags out of he-" Heracles, with the serene atmosphere of Buddha himself, calmly punched Gilbert is his ugly fucking face.

"Bitch." Heracles smiled, as Gilbert stared up from the ground. "If you ever try to touch my cats again I'll do to you what Poseidon did to Odysseus." He immediately took up his glazed look when Kiku came up from behind and laid a calming hand on his shoulder.

"Heracles, please. Let's just enjoy each others company." Kiku suggested, gazing fondly at Poochi. Before a sudden mad look entered his eyes and his head snapped over to Matthieu and Tino. "Excuse me? What did you just say?"

Matthieu started sweating bullets, held up his hands, and took a step away from Tino. Who smiled cutely over at Kiku, "Well...I see you still have your ninja hearing." Tino giggled. "I said, 'How could any one enjoy the company of a dog like yours?' by which I meant an untrained dog with more ticks then all of Heracles' cats combined." Tino blinked his big blue eyes and Kiku had to avert his eyes as to not get sucked into the man's sheer moe.

"Well, I only have one thing to say to that..." Kiku quickly activeted his own ukeness by flushing pink and lowering his long eyelashes. "Fuck you." With the skills only trained and diligiant ninja's contained Kiku ran, tripped on Matthiue's bear, and went hurdling into Tino, knocking him to the ground. The two struggled, shouting garrbled insults.

"You look like a girl," Kiku scowled. "Yeah well, at least I don't have a bowl cut." Tino bit Kiku's shoulder. "Well I don't believe in Santa Claus." Tino gasped and bitch slapped Kiku.

"Oh it's so on now." Tino frowned, pushing Kiku off of him, shooting his arm out and grabbing one of Heracles' cats. Tino shook the kitten until it looked about ready to throw up and then flung it directly at Kiku's face. The cat proceeded to claw at Kiku's face Kiku's face was red with scratches not blushes.

It was then Heracles decided that if Tino could throw his precious kittens at his precious friend Kiku it'd be more then all right to throw the ugly Gilbert at the ugly Tino. Tino at that point was just in a fit of VIKING RAGE and began trying to twist Gilbert's leg. Gilbert wasn't about to stand for that ridiculous nonsense and elbowed Tino in his face causing Tino to go into a fit of SUPREME OH BITCH I'M BOUT' GONNA OCCUPY YOUR VITAL REGIONS-VIKING RAGE. This brand of rage is normally only induced when Berwald tries to wash colours with whites. Tino began repeatedly punching Gilbert where the sun don't shine but this had no effect because eventually after all the incidents with Elizabetha, Gilbert learned to wear a protective cup.

Unfortunately Tino's VIKING RAGE only lasts for 2 minutes before he burst into tears. Which triggers Berwald's WIFE SENSES and causes him to come running to the rescue. Fortunately for everyone in a five mile radius, Berwald was busy having a staring match with Norway and though his WIFE SENSES told him to come, Norway was his all time opponent in creepy staring. Tino would just have to wait five god damn minutes.

While Tino was crying, Gilbert decided Tino would effectively drown himself in tears and went to beat up Kiku. BECAUSE GOD DAMN IT WHY NOT? SHIT WAS GOING DOWN ANYWAY. Heracles was wrestling Matthieu's bear and Matthieu was just standing around because even through everyone was in brawl mode no one really gave a shit about him. Poochi was gnawing Hanatamago's legs, Gilbird was pecking at Poochi's stubby tail and Heracles' cat were...taking a nap....They're cats what do you expect?

So basically World War Three was going on in this little park until Berwald finally showed up, gave mouth to mouth resuscitation to Tino, tied Gilbert to a tree, Put Heracles with his cats and lulled him to sleep, distracted Kiku with shitty manga, and gave chewy toys to the puppies. He then gave a heart warming inspirational speech worthy of a noble peace prize but no one understood what he was saying.

"THE FRIGGEN END." Lovino said. Starring into the blank eyes of his boss.

"Lovi, that was such a cute story. I feel ready to sleep now." Antonio grinned, snuggling into his blankets. Pulling Lovino into a big hug. "Lovi tells such good stories, he should write children's books."

"I already did. It's called Water Ship Down..." Lovino trailed off as the two fell asleep,the wind blowing breezily through a window, twining into their dark hair.


End file.
